Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
Why did the bear quit his job at the daycare center?
It was panda-monium.
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What do you call a pony running in a circle? Centrifugal horse.
What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
How did the shark plead in its murder trial?
Not gill-ty.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
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