Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
What do you call a koala with a negative attitude? The bearer of bad news.
What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
What does a Saudi bee call its bros?
Habibees.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
Who brings presents for crows on Christmas? On Christmas? Santa Caws
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit? One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
What do you get if you stand between two llamas?
Llamanated.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a crab with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
Crows have 16 feather pinions and ravens have 17 pinions. It's just a matter of a pinion.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
What is the favorite bread of a crow? Crow-issant.
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