What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
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