How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
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