How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.