What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.