Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
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