What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
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