What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
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