Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
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