What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
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