What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.