My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group? A: Bananarama!
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
Q. How do you make a sasquatch, a yeti, or a bigfoot laugh?
A. Tell it a gorilla joke!
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What is a gorillas favourite ice cream flavour.
Chocolate chimp.
Did you hear about the 2 apes that kept fighting with each other?
It was gorilla warfare.
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
Q. Why was the blonde disappointed after her visit to an apiary?
A. There weren't any gorillas there. DUH!