What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.