Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.