What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you