What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
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