Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
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