My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
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