Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
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