Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
An alley-gator!
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
If you need a mystery-solving, just call an in-vesti-gator.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
I like you, you croc my world.
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gator.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
Who gives crocodiles presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
What’s worse than one crocodile coming to dinner?
Two crocodiles coming to dinner.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
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