What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
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