What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit? One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
Where do gorillas go to after work?
The monkey bars.
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
What’s worse than one crocodile coming to dinner?
Two crocodiles coming to dinner.
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
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