What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
What is a koala’s favorite pop singer? Koala Rae Jepsen. Her most popular song? “Koala Me Maybe”.
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do you call a kangaroo that’s exhausted from trespassing?
Out of bounds.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
I don't agree with battery hens.
Surely they'd lay bigger eggs if they were plugged into the mains.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
How do you catch a unique tiger?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame tiger?
Tame way.
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
What did the Gorilla say when he saw there was a sale happening?
Ooh! OOh! OOOh!!!!
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
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