Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
Where do crows type? Crows type on cawmputers.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
How did the shark plead in its murder trial?
Not gill-ty.
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom? Dam right they are.
If you need a mystery-solving, just call an in-vesti-gator.
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
A priest, a rabbit and a deacon walk into a blood bank.
"I think I might be a type o." said the rabbit.
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
What will you get if you cross an ice bear and a running tiger? Frostbite.
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
What’s a llama’s favorite movie?
Alpacalypse Now.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
What planet does a seal live on?
EARFFF EARFFF EARFFFF.
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