What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
I goat this.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
Independ-ant.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
It’s the fawn of a new day! - said the deer happily after waking up.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What type of food do worms like?
Your Halloween Candy!
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
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