Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
How do you let a deer know you like her?
You fawn over her.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
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