Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Why don’t kangaroos make good sailors?
Because they’re always jumping ship.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
What happened if vampires came to a big dance?
A bat ball.
I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
What do you get when you cross a lion with a parrot?
I don't know, but when it talks, you better listen.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What kind of shark is always gambling?
A card shark.
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