My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
Where did Velociraptor buy things? At a dino-store!
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
After graduating from high school, crows go to caw-lleges for further studies.
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
When a dinosaur gets a goal in a soccer tournament, it is known as a dino-score.
It’s the fawn of a new day! - said the deer happily after waking up.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
Why can't you trust zebras?
Because they're convicted horse felons.
What do your call a dinosaur with one eye? Eye-saur.
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What’s the definition of butter?
An angry goat.
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