What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
I wondered why flamingos were so strong, so I did a little research. Turns out they do a lot of eggs-er-cise.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
What did the crow said when it saw a car coming? Cawr.
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
What do you get when you cross a lion with a parrot?
I don't know, but when it talks, you better listen.
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ? A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
Did you hear about the sheep's jousting tournament?
It was a real baa-lancing act.
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
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