Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? Because she had no guts!
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
here do lobsters go to borrow money? The prawn broker.
What did the beaver say to the other beaver? I love you like no otter.
What do you call a three-eyed tiger?
A tiiiger.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
Where do crows try their luck?
Ma-cau
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
A goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me
It was a ram-done act of violence
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Let's play some scrabble, I just need to get the croc-a-tiles.
What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ? A Tricera-hops!
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
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