What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth!
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
How do deer clean their feet?
Hoof paste.
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
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