What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
Whats in a camels favorite cup of tea?
Camelmile
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What do you call a koala with a negative attitude? The bearer of bad news.
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
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