What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
What do you call an outlaw goat?
Billy the Kid.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
The scare crow was out standing in his field, so he got awarded as the best employee of the year.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Why are cats bad at telling stories? Because they only have one tail!
What do you say to a bee that bothers you?
"Buzz off!"
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
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