What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What did the deer say to her daughter?
“Soon you’ll be all doe-n up!”
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
Crowing, crowing, gone.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
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