What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
Who is the worm's Prime Minister? Maggot Thatcher.
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large chested crab?
One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
I like you, you croc my world.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
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