Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
To get to the other tide.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
He was going in one ear and out the other!
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
People always talk about the 'Eye Of The Tiger'. No one talks about the other four letters.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?
Beauty.
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
Why can’t you breed a eel with and eagle?
It’s Eeleagle.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
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