What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
How do you upset a dinosaur? Touchasaurus Spot.
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
What does the like to parrot wear to the beach? A beak-ini!
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Q: Which U.S. state do tigers like the most?
A: Maine.
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
What do bees chew?
Bubmble gum.
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
What do you get when a duck bends over?
It’s Buttquack
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
A flamingo can be a really good friend to have. However, they generally fit the bill really well.
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
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