I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
We have always been in turtle awe of her artistic skills.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A Diplodocus with a sore throat!
Some pink birds can be really rude. I approached a group of them the other day and they screamed “Flamingo away!”
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
He was foraging checks.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
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