The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
A beaver told a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
What do crows take for their gut issues? crow-biotics.
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
Crowing, crowing, gone.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
Did you hear about the aquarium owner?
His shark was worse than his pike.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
How do you let a deer know you like her?
You fawn over her.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
I have the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
Q: What did the sign for the party for beavers say?
A: Beaver or be square.
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
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