What did the deer say after he finished eating?
“That was deer-licious!”
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
What do you get when you cross a bat with a doorbell?
A ding-bat.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?
You're only allowed one carrion.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ? A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
Why did the bunny bang his head on the piano? He was playing by ear!
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
He was foraging checks.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!