Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
What do you get when you cross a ghost with a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
How does a koala get from one place to another? On a gondkoala.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits.
When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
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