Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
Dolphins don't have accidents.
They do everything on porpoise.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
What planet does a seal live on?
EARFFF EARFFF EARFFFF.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle? A slow-off (show off).
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Which dinosaur is pure evil? Daemonosaurus.
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
What’s striped and goes round and round?
A tiger in a revolving door.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights?
A mouseketeer!
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
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