What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What did the deer say to his friend during their night in the woods?
This is so much fawn!
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
Some pink birds can be really rude. I approached a group of them the other day and they screamed “Flamingo away!”
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
What do crows read? Cawmics.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
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