Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Why do worms hate graveyards?
They keep bumping into skeletons!
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
Which dinosaur can't stay out of the rain? A Stegosaur-rust
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
What did the maggot say to another?
What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this?
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?
You're only allowed one carrion.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
What do worms leave round their baths?
The scum of the earth!
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Why did the ram run over the cliff edge?
Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.
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