What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
Who is a crow’s favorite actor? Russell Crow!
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
Which dinosaur can't stay out of the rain? A Stegosaur-rust
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
What’s the scariest koala movie ever made? The Bear Witch Project.
An army of werewolves is known as a Fur-eign Legion.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
Wolves love taking woofles for breakfast, they are sweet and amazing.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
To go with the floe!
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
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