How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
What do you call a dinosaur that eats it's vegetables? A.brocileasoarus
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
What's green, green, green, green, green?
A frog rolling down a hill.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
How do you know if there is a Brachiosaurus in bed with you? By the dinosnores.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
Let's play some scrabble, I just need to get the croc-a-tiles.
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