I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
Did you hear about the scared kangaroo?
Yeah, he was a bit jumpy.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A Model T-Rex.
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
What’s black and white and yellow?
A cowardly panda.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
What do you say to a bee that bothers you?
"Buzz off!"
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
What do you call a three-eyed tiger?
A tiiiger.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
What do you call for injured ants?
The ant-bulance.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? By the `D' on his pajamas.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
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