I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
Why was the farmer angry?
Because someone got his goat.
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
What did the carrot say to the rabbit? Do you want to grab a bite?
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? Jurassic Pork!
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a crab with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
If you need a mystery-solving, just call an in-vesti-gator.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
What do you get when you cross a bat with a doorbell?
A ding-bat.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
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