What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
I used to own a raven. It could speak English, but the only word it could speak was "car".
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom? Dam right they are.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
What do you call an ant who joins the army?
Milit-ant.
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
When does a sloth go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
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