My friend uses a white crow to protect his farm from other crows
He calls it a rarecrow
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
Hannibal crossed the Alps because it was safer than crossing the elephants.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
What did the crow said when it saw a car coming? Cawr.
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
How do flamingos clean themselves? They flaminget a shower.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
Every koala supports the idea of being able to defend themselves against tyranny. They believe in having the right to bear claws.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
He wanted to get to the other slide.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
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