I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
A beaver told a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Would you mind watching my pet parrot while I’m out, as long as it’s not too much of a birden?
What do frogs drink?
Croak-a-cola.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
What bee is most indecisive?
A May bee!
What does a goat call his girlfriend?
Bae.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
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