The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!
What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.
What’s worse than one crocodile coming to dinner?
Two crocodiles coming to dinner.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
What are unsolved murders called when it happens in a society of crows? Murder mysteries.
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
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