Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
How do bats greet a friend?
With a sound wave.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
Crows have 16 feather pinions and ravens have 17 pinions. It's just a matter of a pinion.
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
What type of flooring do alligators have in their homes?
Rep-tiles.
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? Jurassic Pork!
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Got a pet zebra, didn’t realise how hungry they are. He eats like a horse.
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
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