Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
Q. What did they serve with nacho cheese at stag parties?
A. Deer-itos.
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
Grandma runs the kitchen like a turtle-tarian; give her some space there.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
What type of flooring do alligators have in their homes?
Rep-tiles.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Bronto-snorus.
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slow poke.
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
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