Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
My lobster's name is:
Claude
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
What is a bat’s favorite dessert?
Pineapple upside-down cake.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
What do mountain climbers share around the campfire?
Goat Stories!
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
When the farmer died, all his chickens were sold to the highest bidder.
They would have preferred to stay on the farm, but auctions speak louder than birds.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
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