What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
I have the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
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