What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What do llamas call the end of the world?
Llamageddon.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
We did not understand what the mother turtle was saying because it was all in ridleys.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo? Hop on!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
He has some good puns on crows, but he doesn’t have to keep crowing about it.
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
Independ-ant.
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
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