What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
What do you get when a duck bends over?
It’s Buttquack
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
What sport do wasps love?
Sting-pong.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
The lobster is one shell of an animal.
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
Why is earth worm humor offensive?
They only know dirty jokes.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
Where do crows type? Crows type on cawmputers.
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