Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Q. Which deer prison is escape proof?
A. Elk-atraz.
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
How about the stylish female crocodile, she's every inch a frock-o-dile.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
What do you call a crab that throws things?
Lobster
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
here do lobsters go to borrow money? The prawn broker.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
What was wrong with the deer’s smile?
He had buck teeth.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
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