Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
Can birds sell cereal to children?
I don't know if one can, but toucan.
What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
What’s a spiders favorite barbecue food?
Corn on the cobweb.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
I asked a pink bird who its favourite artist was. It looked at me strangely and replied “Flamingo Starr, of course.”
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
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