What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
What did the pastry cook say when he was making the cake?
Bat-a-cake. Bat-a-cake.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
What did the crow said when it saw a car coming? Cawr.
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
What kind tree grows chickens?
Poultry.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
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