Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What's a frog's favorite candy?
Lollihops.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
What did the llama say to the grass?
“Nice gnawing you!”
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
How do bats greet a friend?
With a sound wave.
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
A bear covered in a bunch of crows gives the picture of a grizzly murder.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
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