What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
If a young goat learns a martial art, are they a karate kid?
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Where do sharks go on vacation?
Fin-land.
Is a goat that eats office supplies on a staple diet?
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a crab with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
Where do beavers sleep? They sleep on a river bed.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What kind of camel throws a hissy fit when you milk it?
A drama dairy.
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
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