Q. How do you make a sasquatch, a yeti, or a bigfoot laugh?
A. Tell it a gorilla joke!
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
Dear Turkey, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, all women.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
A group of crows drooling over a pastry is called a-tempted murder.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What did the deer say when she wanted to be left alone?
“Doe away!”
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"
Me: "No... They're made of buff."
Where do bats keep their money? The blood bank!
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
Q. What does one teen buck say to oad another into doing something risky?
A. I double deer you!
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? Eggs mark the spot.
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
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