Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
What kind of money does deer use?
“Bucks!”
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
Dolphins don't have accidents.
They do everything on porpoise.
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
What is a flamingo's favorite thing to do at the weekend? Play fla-bingo.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
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