What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
Did you hear about the owl who married a goat?
The had a hootenanny.
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
Did you hear about the aquarium owner?
His shark was worse than his pike.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
Why do worms hate graveyards?
They keep bumping into skeletons!
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