What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
I have the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
A sunburned murder of crows is referred to as 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree.
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
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