Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
What do you call a poor ant?
A peas-ant.
What do llamas call the end of the world?
Llamageddon.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
What did the dolphin say to its friend who wouldn’t stop lying?
Stop spouting nonsense!
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
A sunburned murder of crows is referred to as 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree.
How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
What does a Saudi bee call its bros?
Habibees.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
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