When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Did you hear about the owl who married a goat?
The had a hootenanny.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
My pink bird friend got dumped a while ago. He was sad for a while, but now he’s singe and ready to flamingle.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
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