What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
What do you say to a bee that bothers you?
"Buzz off!"
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
Why don't squirrels wear skinny jeans?
Because their nuts won't fit.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
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