I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..
Talk about short arms long pockets...
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom? Dam right they are.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
My pink bird friend got dumped a while ago. He was sad for a while, but now he’s singe and ready to flamingle.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
What kind tree grows chickens?
Poultry.
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
What’s worse than one crocodile coming to dinner?
Two crocodiles coming to dinner.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
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