How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
When you come across a werewolf with no legs, how do you call it? Call it anything because it cannot chase you!
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
My lobster's name is:
Claude
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
Why didn't the frog park on the side of the road?
He was afraid of getting toad.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
What's a Koalas favorite drink? Coca Koala!
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
Q: What does the tiger use to brush his mane?
A: A catacomb.
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
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