Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
You have goat to be kidding me.
What did the nervous crow do? The crow proceeded with caw-tion.
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ? A Tricera-hops!
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Did you hear the gossip about the owl who hooked up with his boss?
I won’t tell you hoo.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
Some pink birds can be really rude. I approached a group of them the other day and they screamed “Flamingo away!”
What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What makes a glow worm glow?
A light meal!
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
Q: How do you stop an angry tiger from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
What do crows read? Cawmics.
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