What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A Stegosaurus on roller skates!
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
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