What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
What’s a deer’s go-to ice cream flavor?
Cookie-doe.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!
What’s the scariest koala movie ever made? The Bear Witch Project.
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
A sunburned murder of crows is referred to as 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
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