A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
What is a gorillas favourite ice cream flavour.
Chocolate chimp.
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks? A dino-mite
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
What kind of dinosaur works for the police? A trisara-cop.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
To go with the floe!
A flamingo can be a really good friend to have. However, they generally fit the bill really well.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
What medicine do you give to sick ants?
Antibiotics.
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
What did the sea say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved.
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
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