A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
How do deer clean their feet?
Hoof paste.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
When the wolf stood on the grape, the latter said nothing but let out a little bit of a wine.
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.
When doing laundry, the mother wolf accidentally fell into the washing machine. It became a wash and wearwolf.
What is a koala’s favorite pop singer? Koala Rae Jepsen. Her most popular song? “Koala Me Maybe”.
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
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