Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
My wife: Did you know a single dolphin can have more than 200 offspring?
Me: Wow How about the married ones?
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
Why do spider-musicians always have such long concert tours?
Because they have so many legs.
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What's green, green, green, green, green?
A frog rolling down a hill.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
To get to the other tide.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
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