What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
watch NutFlix
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
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