I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"
Me: "No... They're made of buff."
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
Something’s goat to give.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
What is the first thing that gorillas learn at kindergarten?
Apey Cee's?
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
The weather's getting colder, I really fancy some hot croc-o-late.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
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