I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
Why did the bear quit his job at the daycare center?
It was panda-monium.
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
What do you say to a bee that bothers you?
"Buzz off!"
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
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