What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? Cause they don't know how to cook
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
Q: What does the tiger use to brush his mane?
A: A catacomb.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
What is a flamingo's favorite thing to do at the weekend? Play fla-bingo.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
How do the crows in Texas greet each other?
Yee-caw
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
A sunburned murder of crows is referred to as 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What do you get when a duck bends over?
It’s Buttquack
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