My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
How do camels blend in?
With camel-flage
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
What does the like to parrot wear to the beach? A beak-ini!
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
To the shell-block.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
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